Archive for the ‘Failin Palin’ Category

My first science teacher taught me that stars are celestial balls of gases and they do some stuff… I don’t remember the rest but it doesn’t matter because this isn’t an astronomy site.  I also grew up learning that a star could also be a killer rock musician or an iconic leading lady in film.  You see, it used to be that you had to actually DO SOMETHING to be a star.  In fact, you needed to do it well AND consistently.  Merriam-Webster defines star as “a person who is preeminent in a particular field”.  For my friends in the South, preeminent means outstanding or supreme.

Well, I guess the Palin’s are stars, or so says my TV guide.  You see Bristol is going to be on Dancing with the Stars, which means that she must be outstanding at giving up the poonani because if she wasn’t the daughter of a dippable failure of a politician, Bristol would be just another teenage pregnancy statistic.

So why the fuck is she considered a star?  It’s simple, Bristol comes from a rare stock of fame-whores.  The irony here is that they do everything they can to become celebrities, but when someone questions their motivation, they act like they’re just a simple down to earth family.

I love this video of a native Alaskan from Homer, confronting Sarah on abandoning her responsibility as an elected official to go off an be a celebrity.  Even though Sarah AND Bristol debate that they aren’t, the fact of the matter is that Sarah was in Homer to film a TV show.  Perhaps Bristol was picking up a few moves at the same time.

I love this part:

[Kathleen Gustafson]
By using your celebrity status, certainly not by political status.

[Bristol Sheeran Marie Palin]
How is she a celebrity? That’s my question.

[Sarah Palin]
I’m honored! No, she thinks I’m a celebrity!

[Bristol Sheeran Marie Palin]
That’s funny that you think she is.

[Kathleen Gustafson]
Well, you’re certainly not representing the state of Alaska any longer…even though…

[Bristol Sheeran Marie Palin]
She’s representing United States?

Well, what are YOU representing Bristol?  Oh yeah, teenage whores.

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I’ve been quiet for a long time. Too busy to share my thoughts on issues, but Sarah Palins final day in office motivated me to break out the laptop and share some thoughts.

Before Sarah left office, she of course had to take some parting shots. In fact, for those of you that didn’t read this, Sarah was recently given credit for writing The ‘Cap and Tax’ Dead End.  Now you and I know that Sarah didn’t write that article. Even educated and articulate politicians have speech writers and she is neither, but here are the reasons that I know Sarah didn’t write the article:

  • It is not written in crayon
  • It is more than 500 words
  • The words betcha, hockey, or moose do not appear anywhere in the article
  • There are no X’s and O’s at the bottom

Anyway, I’m very curious about Sarah’s real reason for quitting. My guess is that there are more ethics investigations on the way. I mean, there have only been 18 filed. There are bound to be more from the oil puppet.  Who really knows?  I just enjoyed listening to her resignation speech jibberish. More accurately, I enjoyed watching others pick it apart 😉

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Have you ever been to a first grade recital of the Gettysburg Address?  You know the kind where all the 6 year olds dress like the founders of our country and despite six months of rehearsing and memorization, slaughter the Preamble, the Bill of Rights, and the Gettysburg Address…

Its really a cute sight to see, especially when the paper-mache eagle drops from the rafters and knocks the six year Benjamin Franklin into Betsy Ross and they fall behind the curtain.

You see, it’s cute because I don’t go for the eloquence of the speakers or their ability to articulate phrases or concepts of American politics.  I wouldn’t expect that from a group of first graders. It’s good to know that I can also go to Republican fund raising dinners for my fix of pathetic communication of governmental concepts.

Apparently, at a June fundraiser set up by the National Republican Congressional Committee and the National Republican Senatorial Committee, Sarah Palin will be the keynote speaker.

Have you heard her speak?  WTF were they thinking?   When you think of keynote speakers, most people think of articulate, motivational, or educational speakers.  When Sarah speaks, I think we should really reinforce those inbreeding laws in Alaska.

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As McCain and Palin tour the barbecue cook-offs and tractor pulls that make up this great country, they sure have a lot of negatives to say about Obama the Socialist spreader of wealth.

FACT: Gov. Sarah gave every Alaska resident a check this year for $3269; an increase of $1200 a person.

FACT: She did it by taxing the oil companies and suspending the gas tax.

FACT: Oil companies still are making largest profits in US history.

How’d they do it?  They raised gas prices for YOU!

So while residents of America (not Alaska though) were struggling to pay the high energy costs this year and losing their homes, the oil companies were still making billions which they handed over to Sarah Palin so she could give it to her constituents.

HELLLOOOO???  Hypocrite!

That’s what I call spreading the wealth. Straight from your pockets and into those of the Alaskan oil companies and Alaskan residents.

Family comes first and it’s nice that Palin is surrounded by loved ones.

See you next Tuesday!

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While visiting a someone in the hospital today I was sharing the story of how someone recently wrote me and told me that God spoke to them and this person said that he (God) was sad.  I was sharing this story as an example of how some people need to be on Zoloft, but at that moment a young woman walked into the room and identified herself as being from the Catholic church and offering communion.

Wow. Was that the big guy telling me he’s watching?  Nah. Just a coincidence.

Within an hour, I was driving home and noticed a lighted cross on the grill of a semi-truck. A moment later, I saw the trailer… “Jesus is Lord”.   Forty feet long and 6 feet high!

Wow. This can’t be a coincidence. Is He trying to tell me something?  — Maybe.

Five minutes later, I pass a van and the license plate said “4 IXOYE”    For those not in the know, that’s the Jesus fish lettering.

WOW. Am I on the GodTV version of candid camera?  What is HE trying to tell me?  What is it?!

Then I got home and watched the following video. At about 1:45 into the video she begins to ask the congregation to pray for her 30 billion dollar gas pipeline project.

I stopped the video after she suggests our troops are on a “task from God”.


He said, “Vote for Obama.”

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For those of you who haven’t seen her interview with Katie Couric, you missed a treat. I hadn’t seen this type of incoherent babbling since just before Courtney Love passed out from an overdose at the Chateau. When your candidate doesn’t understand the question, you’ve got some fixin’ to do.

So in preparing for the VP debate, I can imagine the GOP braintrust coming up with a strategy of how to make Palin NOT look like an idiot. A lot of brain cells died that night, but based on the video, my guess is that Plan A was note cards.

She looks down more time at these cards than I can count and still the answer is unintelligible and irrelevant. One has to wonder if it’s just a list of GOP buzzwords, or if there was actually an outlined answer for her to read off. It didn’t work, either way.

In lieu of the predicable failure, there was Plan B. A well scripted, step-by-step gimmicky flowchart. So fool-proof that even a half-retarded monkey could follow it.  And she did.

Palin Flow Chart

Palin Flow Chart

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We’ve seen the video and heard the audio of things like, “kill him” and “terrorist” being yelled at Palin rallies, but I reckon I’d have to be invited to a Sunday barbecue at Klan headquarters to hear ignorant crap like this being spewed. I’ve never been so embarrassed to be an American.

You heard it here first folks! I’m running for President and my platform consists of forced sterilization of anyone who goes to a Palin rally.

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