NOTE: This list is still growing, so please be patient.
Occasionally I might publish content that is foreign in both definition and concept to Republican voters. Therefore I am compiling a list of terms to help them when reading this blog. If you are a Southern Republican and can’t read, then please skip my blog and ask someone to read this to you instead.
Because translations differ by region, I will occasionally supply supplemental translations – one for Northern Republicans (NR) and one for Southern Republicans (SR).
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911
Emergency services line to be used in case of, duh… an emergency.
NR Translation – What you use to complain about traffic.
SR Translation – Rally cry that rich white folk use to your dumb southern ass to enlist your children in the army to protect their oil pipeline investment.
Community
A group of people that share common interests and are affected similarly by issues.
NR Translation – Your immediate family and fellow members of your secret college society. However it might include your illegitimate children fostered with your undocumented nanny.
SR Translation – All the trailers on your loop.
Community Organizer
An individual whose actions raise the quality of life for your community.
NR Translation – The “bleeding heart liberals” that make life better for your unwed teenage pregnant daughter.
SR Translation – The gal passing out checks at the welfare office.
Conservative
NR Translation – Making it appear that you believe in lower taxes while you run up the national debt and pad your pockets with the money you cut from social programs.
SR Translation – Going to mega churches to listen to gay drug addict ministers tell you that being a homo is a sin. Google Ted Haggard.
Crusades
World History – Two hundred years of military campaigns to gain and retain Christian control of the Holy Land.
US History – Two hundred years of propaganda campaigns to gain and retain Christian control of the US Government.
Death Panels
What Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich think the 2009 Health Care bill will create. Before this context, the term was used mostly to describe the redneck cowardly bitches that sit outside National Parks to shoot starving animals as they leave in search of food.
Deficit
Basically, when you have less money than you need to pay the bills.
NR Translation – This is what you let Democrats worry about.
SR Translation – The amount you have to borrow form the payday loan place to pay rent after you went too crazy at the local Walmart.
Family Reunion
NR Translation – Where you try to show off how much more successful you’ve been investing in Halliburton than your cousin Muffy and that louse of a husband who does pro-bono.
SR – Where you meet your next baby’s mama.
News
The regular reporting of presumed factual information so that the public can be made aware of current events and the state of affairs. You might find “news” in publications such as Wall Street Journal, CNN, C-SPAN, BBC, etc. You will not find news on Faux News Channel.
Surplus
For Southern Republicans, this is best described as the amount of cans of pickled okra that you have left over from last year, when you start this years harvest. This is a good thing. (Also, see Deficit)
Sweet Tea
The only good thing about the South.
Truth
A statement that can be proven to be accurate.
NR Translation – It doesn’t matter as long as you settle out of court.
SR Translation – You know that feeling that you get when the cartoon on the cheesy puffs commercial tells you his product is the best. Yeah, he wouldn’t lie to you.
How about:
Abortion:
NR: The only form of birth control you have ever heard about apart from abstinence.
SR: Kicking your pregnant wife down the stairs for not cooking your steak correctly.
How about: for both NR and SR
Activist Judge: Anybody who doesn’t agree with you.
I HATE REPUBLICANS- –RACIST PEOPLE —-
“Conservative
NR Translation – Making it appear that you believe in lower taxes while you run up the national debt and pad your pockets with the money you cut from social programs.
SR Translation – Going to mega churches to listen to gay drug addict ministers tell you that being a homo is a sin. Google Ted Haggard.”
This part was GREAT! Repukelicans love running up the national debt and keep sticking more money into their own pockets, and of course we’ve all seen how anti-gay priests are the ones who are caught having sex with a 10 year old boy, but yet being gay is a sin- damn this is funny stuff!
I unfortunately live in the Republican/Conservative hellhole known as the South. But, at least here, the worst kinds of Conservatives/Republican/FoxNews Zombies are over 60 and will fortunately die soon.
I fucking hate Republicans.
THANK GOD, REAL AMERICANS LIVE IN BLUE STATES !!!!
Wish y’alls mom believed in abortion.
republicans claim government don’t work, they are right, nixon-watergate, hud scandals. regan-contra, junk bonds, hud, war against unions and s&l’s scandals. bush-all shit! oil, gasoline, haiburton, banks, mortgages and old my lord iraq war!! waste of money and lifes. at the same time these ass holes gave the rich and big business all kind of tax breaks!!!
and gave the banks free hand to do want ever they wanted to us working poor!
republicans claim government don’t work, they are right, nixon-watergate, hud scandals. regan-contra, junk bonds, hud, war against unions and s&l’s scandals. bush-all shit! oil, gasoline, haiburton, banks, mortgages and old my lord iraq war!! waste of money and lifes. at the same time these ass holes gave the rich and big business all kind of tax breaks!!!
and gave the banks free hand to do want ever they wanted to us working poor! i hate those bastards, kill them all
OK, I know it’s not very scientific (which is Republican it itself), but here’s the number of Google results for the following phrases:
“I hate Democrats”: 82,400
“I hate Republicans”: 244,000
There’s a reason it’s nearly three times as many! Asstards.
(BTW, this is how I discovered your wonderful site. I hate the mofos too!)
Repulsivecans are a bunch of hypocritical idiots.
I love your website! I’m here, stuck in Alabama in the
middle of all these ignorant,hipocritical bastards!
Did you know that the original 8 founding fathers of the Republican Party were, at the time they founded the party, the Grand Wizards of the KKK in the states of South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, and Tennessee. There were over 1.5 mil members of the KKK in those days and they were very organized. They founded the party to try and regain control of the country and bring back slavery. They were never even close to being successful with this campaign and remade the image of the party to gain popularity and control of the government. They are and have always been ignorant racists, and from the first days of the party to today they haven’t changed much. They just wear suits and ties instead of sheets and hoods now.
It’s not nice to make fun of the electorially challenged….
http://mylungtransplantyears.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/who-i-am-and-why-im-doing-this/
I’m from Alabama, and a democrat. I agree with your poltical points but it’s obvious you have never been to the south. If oyu have, it must have been in the worst parts of it because i’ve seen worse places up north then what you describe. To be honest, I HATE republicans, but the people who stereotype the south like this get to me even more..
After today with Rush Limpballs and Mikey *heckuva good (blow) job* Brownie (decision) points lying and saying Obama sabotaged the oil well to prevent more offshore drilling, and putting up with the lowlife GOP for 48 years of shit, I will never again listen to any of their garbage, never ever vote for any, never associate with any damn Rethuglican the rest of my life. Rethuglican Health Care Test: If a gun-loving, Limpball-listening, Bible-and-neighbor’s-wife-thumping idiot is bleeding in the street, find out party affiliation. If GOP…run em the hell over! Hey! It’s not like they care how many die!
OK, maybe that at the end is a little harsh, but considering the fact that 45,000 people die each year due to being un- and under-insured or their treatment is denied, I think anger at the GOP attitude of *I got mine, screw you* is warranted. Especially coming from the God Obsessed (Faux Christian) Party. Some family values! Unless it’s valuing some other guy’s wife!
I hate Republicans with a passion….I agree with everything you have written and I thank you and more people like you!
I agree with you about the Republicans 100% but take it easy on the south.We’re not all racist pinheads.That’s akin to blaming Iraqi’s for Sadam Hussien.I have to admit that I’ve told my wife a thousand times that I’d rather live anywhere but down here. I plan on moving to the French Riviera when my ship comes in.Anyway,keep up the good work!
I AGREE! SELF-AGGRANDIZING COMMENT ABOUT HOW SMART LIBERALS ARE AND HOW THEY DON’T STEREOTYPE. ANOTHER COMMENT ABOUT HOW I STEREOTYPE ALL CONSERVATIVES.
You ever think that Google returning
“I hate Democrats”: 82,400
“I hate Republicans”: 244,000
might just be because you idiots complain more? Grow up.
Go ahead, call me a white-trash southern idiot or a fat-cat business exec…. stereotype me all you want. I don’t care, I have work to go to. After all, someone has to provide you with welfare and unemployment so that you can spend all day whining about how shitty everything is.
I despise large segments of the South too. But please don’t forget that many of us — especially here in South Florida — were unwilling transplants from the north in the 70′s. In fact, when I moved here the Florida legislature and governor’s seat was dominated by Democrats. There are still alot of liberals in the urban areas so please don’t write us all off just because we had the misfortune of living here since childhood. As for myself, I have instructed my children that they MUST move to the northeast or pacific northwest as adults just in case they have to escape to Canada.
This being said, I am saddened by what has become of our country. This country will never really recover from the last 30 years of mismanagement by corporate controlled interests.
You ever think that Google returning
“I hate Democrats”: 82,400
“I hate Republicans”: 244,000
I agree!! Dissent to a filthy right winger, is like cryptonite to superman!!
might just be because you idiots complain more? Grow up.
WOW!!…and I thought the phrase was SHUT UP!! (from Bill O’Reilly)
Come on Dems/Libs, two (7) year old wars, and a collapsing infrastructure won’t hurt a bit!! Take it like a man, will ya!! Come on over to OUR RIGHT WINGED JERRY FALWELL LIBERTY UNIVERSITY CHURCH this Sunday.
Ya see!! The smell of rotting flesh isn’t so bad now, is it!!
Hippocrate McLiberal
Go ahead, call me a white-trash southern idiot or a fat-cat business exec….
WOW!!…You must have a HUGE driver’s license!!
Last week I was sickened by the Gun Loving Republicans who suddenly got nervous and felt they need to pass some laws to better protect THEMSELVES from guns while not having a problem with the rest of the population being blown away every now and then.
The fact that this crazy guy can go and buy a gun in Arizona and nobody it making a big deal out of that is ABSURD. It is insane that he was able to get a gun in the first place and it’s thanks to the Republican party who have consistently sided with the evil NRA.
Wow it’s nice not to see so many pathetic conserves trying to retaliate with the same things we’ve been saying about them for years. We just down right hate your thinking process. You may be good people under all of those years of control by the right. Get off of their bandwagon and have some fun and live before you die under those stone faces. The republicans want to rule the US. I personally don’t want to be ruled by anybody but my God/maker or whatever you may call on. We democrats just love each other for our happy morals. Republicans just hate everybody..even their own.
“Gun Laws”
NR- laws that try to prevent us from having a full arsenal in our basement (cellar). Just in case World War 3 breaks out down back, past the crick, next to the loader-dozer.
SR- laws that prevent us from wipin’ out every race except the redneck southern WASPS.
Amen.
I agree with all of you. The TeathugliKKKans care only about money and power while Democrats actually care more about people.
Democrats-Live and let live.
Republicans-Kill or be killed.
Such closed minded people. Your news channels are the ones reporting only news that democrats and liberals want to hear, and the ones that cut out under God from the pledge of allegiance.
I love this Page,so true,so true………….
All republicans are the same, prejudice, scared of people of any color that is a shade darker than brite white and who doesn’t practice christianity. The republican women are all submissive to their husbands or exleast they claim to be anyways. Michelle Bachman tried to say that after she said she was being a submissive wife, that she meant to say she was being a respectful wife, yeah right, we all heard what you said. liar.I hate a liar and for that reason i hate republicans.
Love this site. God, I FUCKING HATE republicans. Life would be so, so, so much better without them. We’d have amazing schools, a healthy environment, enrichment in our arts and music, acceptance to all people regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or religion, and peace.
I cannot believe republicans actually have enough brain cells to form sentences. They are so dumb, greedy, ignorant, and racist that I can’t help but look down on them. I cannot get over how fucking stupid and evil they are, and that people in this country actually buy their shit. I’d laugh but it’s too depressing.
Thank you for this site so I can rant. There. I feel better knowing there are other people out there like me.
This is ridiculous! Republicans know best, just accept it.
Recently I saw a painting by Jon McNaughton that reminded me of this. If you are a Republican and you are sick of people telling you things that aren’t true about America I highly recommend that you check out this painting.
Look at it and realize that America was founded on conservative values and not liberal ones.
http://www.buyonenationundergod.com
This has got to be the dumbest website I’ve ever seen.
Yes I’m a Republican, yes I’m from the south, I’m Jewish too. I also carry a gun. Of all those fore mentioned, I am proud to be. I am excited to wake up everyday knowing that I am a REPUBLICAN. It is the only way to be.
You’re all ignorant, educate yourselves before you speak. If you’re too lazy to educate yourself, never speak again.
Thank-you,
America
Im from Arkansas in fact I love Arkansas and the south.But having said that I hate republicans they are greedy skum.
I hate republicans too, they only repeat what they hear other retarded republicans say. they like to believe their own lies. this country was not founded on conservative ideas. our founding fathers were not conservative. they were not liberal. our founding fathers were RADICAL in their thinking — no state church, no monarchy, separation of church and state, religious freedom(meaning the right to worship or not to worship) and freedom of speech are some of the ideas that this country is based on. all of these ideas were new when our country was founded. in my opinion, the republicans want a christian church to run the country and they also don’t believe in religious freedom(americans should only be christians). republicans are sore losers. they hate the fact that they lost the presidency to a black man so they stir up dust to get rid of him. they want him to fail even if it means everyone loses. these people care about no one including themselves. they don’t care about this country; they are unamerican. im not a fan of our president, but he is our president and he deserves the respect of that office. republicans respect no one and i would love to see them move to another planet.
You democrats are all the same..
The North was THE REPUBLICANS during the civil war… they wanted to people to get off of their a$$ and work instead of putting it all on the slaves…. The Republicans started the NCCAP and other organizations to help African Americans during the mid 1900s. The Democrat politicians of today do nothing but whine about “global warming” which hasn’t been PROVEN and do nothing to help these African Americans. And they call the Republicans racist. What about Robert Byrd, the head wizard of the KKK? All Democrats do is try to “help” inner-city African Americans by giving them welfare instead of encouraging and empowering them to be successful. So, by being “not racist” they prevent lower class people from being inspired to WORK instead of living off of government handouts.
The worst thing that you democrats do is that you have peace rallies. What you should be doing is cheering on the troops that fight and DIE for our freedom. Remember when Christina Aguilera messed up the National Anthem? Most people just shrugged it off like its no big deal, she wasn’t even sorry. Every day troops fight for that song, that country, and our flag. So you are going to misuse that freedom and fight them?
I believe in homosexual rights, it’s all about love and I don’t get why other people care. What I’m saying is that I’m open minded, I’m not the Republican from Texas who goes hunting every Sunday right after church. No I’m just an everyday person who wants to get all of the money that I earn, and be a 100% All-American.
I love this site! I really hate Republicans because:
1. They hate women so much that they think that women are only good for the following:
a) Cooking meals
b) Cleaning the whole damn house, from top to bottom
c) Making babies (especially giving birth to sons)
d) Being slaves to their husbands/boyfriends
2. They hate everyone who is not white or Christian or rich
3. All they ever care about is MONEY!!! Greedy fascists!
4. While they claim to “love America”, all they’re interested in is protecting the rich!
5. They wish to control women, gays and even the kids…and they won’t rest until that happens!
6. They’re hypocrites! Seriously, how can they claim to be “Pro-Life (more like Anti-Choice, if you ask me)” and be Pro-Death Penalty and Pro-War at once?! A real Pro-Lifer would never support war nor death- penalty!
7. Some of them even hunt and kill animals for sport (i.e. Sarah Palin, Rick Perry, Dick Cheney, etc.)
8. They think that gays are “icky” and even go so far into cheering for hate crimes against the LGBT (c’mon, you greedy scums for Rethuglicans, gays are people too!)
9. They’re just as bad as the Taliban
10. They’re all ignorant bigots and misogynists!