NOTE: This list is still growing, so please be patient.
Occasionally I might publish content that is foreign in both definition and concept to Republican voters. Therefore I am compiling a list of terms to help them when reading this blog. If you are a Southern Republican and can’t read, then please skip my blog and ask someone to read this to you instead.
Because translations differ by region, I will occasionally supply supplemental translations – one for Northern Republicans (NR) and one for Southern Republicans (SR).
Emergency services line to be used in case of, duh… an emergency.
NR Translation – What you use to complain about traffic.
SR Translation – Rally cry that rich white folk use to your dumb southern ass to enlist your children in the army to protect their oil pipeline investment.
A group of people that share common interests and are affected similarly by issues.
NR Translation – Your immediate family and fellow members of your secret college society. However it might include your illegitimate children fostered with your undocumented nanny.
SR Translation – All the trailers on your loop.
An individual whose actions raise the quality of life for your community.
NR Translation – The “bleeding heart liberals” that make life better for your unwed teenage pregnant daughter.
SR Translation – The gal passing out checks at the welfare office.
NR Translation – Making it appear that you believe in lower taxes while you run up the national debt and pad your pockets with the money you cut from social programs.
SR Translation – Going to mega churches to listen to gay drug addict ministers tell you that being a homo is a sin. Google Ted Haggard.
World History – Two hundred years of military campaigns to gain and retain Christian control of the Holy Land.
US History – Two hundred years of propaganda campaigns to gain and retain Christian control of the US Government.
What Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich think the 2009 Health Care bill will create. Before this context, the term was used mostly to describe the redneck cowardly bitches that sit outside National Parks to shoot starving animals as they leave in search of food.
Basically, when you have less money than you need to pay the bills.
NR Translation – This is what you let Democrats worry about.
SR Translation – The amount you have to borrow form the payday loan place to pay rent after you went too crazy at the local Walmart.
NR Translation – Where you try to show off how much more successful you’ve been investing in Halliburton than your cousin Muffy and that louse of a husband who does pro-bono.
SR – Where you meet your next baby’s mama.
The regular reporting of presumed factual information so that the public can be made aware of current events and the state of affairs. You might find “news” in publications such as Wall Street Journal, CNN, C-SPAN, BBC, etc. You will not find news on Faux News Channel.
For Southern Republicans, this is best described as the amount of cans of pickled okra that you have left over from last year, when you start this years harvest. This is a good thing. (Also, see Deficit)
The only good thing about the South.
A statement that can be proven to be accurate.
NR Translation – It doesn’t matter as long as you settle out of court.
SR Translation – You know that feeling that you get when the cartoon on the cheesy puffs commercial tells you his product is the best. Yeah, he wouldn’t lie to you.